And now, a word from one of our sponsors, PADAP - (Youngish) Professionals Against Drunken Art Purchases

The time has come my fellow humans, we much make a stand against this most serious of global issues. (right behind ending wars and famine, and eliminating those pesky American Idol people)

I am sure you are quite familar with the senario.

You stop in to a wine bar, or your local watering hole. And of course, some local artist has their works on display.

As the evening (and alcohol) progresses, that peiece that you initially glanced at with a little interest becomes more attractive and you start to consider where to place it in your home. (next to the dining room, or perhaps in the den, where is not important, but the fact is, you have decided on a location to place it). Quickly you assess the damage. "Its only $900.00, and its supporting the local artistic scene" you rationalize. The hint of a sale quickly brings the artist and perhaps a glass or two of your favourite poison into your increasingly bured vision and you chat about work.

The artist, seeing you waver, quickly expresses the pain and sacrifies they have made to produce the work "I didn't eat for 45 days just to paint that piece" (you notice that it hasn't seem to have have made any significant impact in their rather portly 270lb frame) or "I practically lost a finger to Tony Saprano becuase I was so involved in making that painting I didn't pay off my loan shark" (Ummm.. that name seems to ring a bell.. but from where?)

And then the (used car) salesman comes out: "Well, because I like you, and you seem so interested in this work, what if I knock off saaayyyy.... $200.00. Just for you" The artist says to you. As your eyes become blurry due to the amount of alcohol you have injested, that painting that was originally $900 is now $700.00. "Well, its a lovely peice, and its at a discount" you say to yourself.

Where a more level (and sober) mind might have haggled more or logically reasoned: No.. that is at least 1 plane ticket to my favourite destination (ok, that is what mine.. err. I mean someone I spoke to.. said)

You on the other hand, swayed by your set of 20/20 beer goggles, and the "beauty" of the art work decide.. "What the heck, its mine!". You clasp hands with the artist in agreement, and quick as an assains blade, a pen is presented to you to sign the agreement, and you swear you smell a hint of sulfer and you see a horn protruding from their head.. but you shake it off as exhaustion and inebrieation. You jot your X on the document, making the typical drunken promises of love and appreciation, and you swagger out of the venue, feeling proud of your purchase tucked under your arm, and as you reach home, you rest it against the bed and collapse. Ahhh.. the gentle and painful bliss of an alcohol induced sleep. Yes, you know it well. (and shamefully so)

But, there is always the morning after. (I am sure many of you have similar experiences but with agreements of flesh rather than paint and canvas).

You awake to stare at your "wonderful" work of art. You look over.. feeling that inital twinge of fear and nausia. "Oh god, what did I do...". If you are a religious person, you quickly pray that the sight you are staring at is just a dream.. a bad one.. (especially as you glance at the receipt hanging from the work like an accusing finger). If you are not religious, you momentarily become so just to curse the sky and every diety that your sleep deprived and alcohol sloshed mind can bring to bear "Buddah, Zues, Jupiter, Yahwa, Bill Gates.... How could you let me do this? Damn windows.. Damn you Gates."

But alas, tis to no avail... the booty is yours. The artist is singing happily at the purchase, your checkbook (and/or credit card) is creeking under the purchase (so much for that flight to Hong Kong), and you, my friend, have a peice of work that, try as you might, you can't seem to find an appropriate location to display it:
  • The Kitchen: No, you can't cook with that thing in there... though on the plus side, you might loose weight from your reluctantance of entering the kitchen.
  • The Living room: No.. it will scare the guests and you will have to explain it to everyone. And you are just not up to the talk of AA and psychological testing. (though if this is your 2nd or 3rd such painting purchased under such circumstances, you may want too look into that AA thing)
  • The Bathroom: Well, it will certainly wake you up, but once again, you will have to explain it to family and friends. (of course, it may reduce the amount of impromptu visits by family members)
  • The Office: Yeah... and HR (and Maintanance) might want to have a word with you. And you still have to pay off the bloody bill.
  • The Basement: That's right.. tick off the insects.. never wise. they know where you live and reasoning with them is out of the question (And if you are thinking this, you may want to take note about my comment above regarding psychological testing and discussions of AA)

Ladies and Gentlemen, such actions must end. And we, at PADAP can help you.

This is not a call to end art purchases.. Oh no.. not at all. But we must be in a sober and sane state of mind. Our purchases should be with reason, and not under the influense of products from California, Mexico, Spain, Ten. Billy's Basement (or any location where you favourite (or acceptable) alcohol may come from.

So join my plea...Yes, VISA will curse your name. American Express will shake their fist at you in disgust. Mastercard will stare at you with contempt. Discover Card? (well, who takes them anyway?) But won't you feel better knowing that you did right by your finances? That you won't have to explain your purchase with the preface of..."Well.. its a funny story and one that I don't quite remember." when your guests ask "What in the world were you thinking?"

Yes my fellow lush's. Live, drink and be Merry.. but keep your art purchases confined to the sober moments in your life.

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